Re-envisioning the Trauma Bond

…if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed

John 8:36

Acknowledging my contribution for perpetuating the trauma bond of a narcissistic relationship brought me to a new place of freedom. I gasped when a therapist identified what he believed to be the basic character flaw of those in relationship with a narcissist—pride!

“Pride?" I wondered, “How did pride contribute to my heart feeling black and blue from emotional discard?" His explanation followed—pride that I believed I could love enough to change the narcissist.

That truth stunned me. I not only assumed I could love enough to heal his childhood trauma and distrust of others, I also spent decades attempting to prove it. I re-engaged in the narcissistic abuse cycle over-and-over because I believed I could love enough, accommodate enough, and change enough. Ouch!

Encountering that painful truth revealed a new source of resolve for breaking out of the trauma bond—stopping my futile efforts and releasing the narcissist to God. It also released the emotional energy required for healing and self-care during the journey ahead.

Paul’s wise caution directly applied to the lie I had lived. “… Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (Romans 12:3).

Father, forgive my human efforts to rescue another and the misdirected and misused emotional energy I invested. I trust You to redeem that loss for Your glory and honor. Thank You for leading me out of the cloud of naivety into the light of truth and grace. In the powerful name of Jesus, the source of all redemption I pray, amen.

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